4 Tools You’re Missing in Small Talk
A humble key to networking and making connections
Small talk can often feel forced and mundane, but it doesn’t have to be that way. With the right tools and approach, small talk can be a gateway to deeper, more meaningful conversations that can help us connect with others on a deeper level. Here are four tools that will improve your small talk skills and help you take your conversations to the next level:
Compelling questions:
Asking interesting and thought-provoking questions is a great way to initiate small talk and keep it going.
Instead of asking the usual “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?”, try asking questions that will elicit a more emotional response. For example, “What is it about your job that you enjoy so much?” or “What do you do to relax and unwind?”
These types of questions allow the other person to share something personal and meaningful, which can help build rapport and create a deeper connection.
Sharing emotions:
As humans, we all have the capacity to feel and express emotion, and sharing our emotions can be a powerful way to connect with others. When you’re engaged in small talk, try sharing your own emotions and see how the other person responds.
For example, if you’re talking about something that excites you, share that excitement and see if it’s contagious. By showing vulnerability and sharing your emotions, you’ll be able to create a deeper and more meaningful conversation.
Matching energy:
When you’re engaging in small talk, pay attention to the energy of the other person and try to match it. If they’re excited and animated, respond with enthusiasm and energy.
If they’re more reserved, try to be more low-key and subtle in your approach. By matching the energy of the other person, you’ll be able to create a more natural and flowing conversation.
“Casting” your line:
When you’re initiating small talk, it’s important to remember that not every conversation is going to be a home run. Sometimes you’ll throw out a question or comment and it won’t get a response, or it may not lead to a deeper conversation.
That’s okay!
It’s all part of the process. Think of initiating small talk as “casting your line” — you throw out a question or comment and see how it’s received. If it doesn’t lead to anything, don’t be discouraged. Just try again and see what happens.
An allegory that comes to mind to illustrate the importance of these tools is the concept of a cave. Imagine that small talk is like standing at the entrance to a cave — you’re just scratching the surface and getting a taste of what’s inside. But if you want to explore the cave and see what it has to offer, you need to take the lead and start walking in.
As you enter the cave, you’ll encounter all sorts of obstacles and challenges, but by using the tools of compelling questions, sharing emotions, matching energy, and “casting your line,” you’ll be able to navigate your way through the cave and discover all sorts of hidden treasures.
Of course, this allegory is just a metaphor, but it highlights the importance of taking the lead in conversation and being willing to be vulnerable and share your emotions.
When you’re able to do this, you’ll be able to create more meaningful and compelling conversations that can help you connect with others on a deeper level. So next time you’re engaged in small talk, remember these four tools and see how they can help you take your conversations to the next level.
