Creating Deep and Meaningful Connection
How to create strong connections on countless levels
As I sat at my desk, staring blankly at the screen in front of me, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of disconnection from the world around me. I had always prided myself on my ability to connect with others, but lately it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to make those deep, meaningful connections that I craved.
It was then that I remembered something my friend had told me about a concept called emotional bids. According to my friend, an emotional bid is “the emotional layer that lies behind a statement or an action.”
Essentially, it’s a way for someone to reach out and connect with us on an emotional level, whether it’s through a positive emotion like excitement or a negative one like fear.
At first, I wasn’t sure how this concept could help me with my own struggles with connection. But as I thought more about it, I began to realize that emotional bids were the key to building deep, meaningful connections with others. After all, as the famous writer Ernest Hemingway once said, “Most people never listen.”
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and tasks, and we often find ourselves only half-listening to the people around us. But by actively seeking out and responding to emotional bids, we can break through that disconnection and create a deeper level of understanding and connection with others.
So how do we do this? It all starts with being present in the moment and really listening to the person in front of us. This means not only paying attention to the words they’re saying, but also to the emotional undertones behind those words.
Are they excited? Afraid? Angry? By tuning into these emotions, we can begin to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface and respond in a way that shows we care.
But simply recognizing emotional bids isn’t enough. We also need to know how to respond to them in a way that helps us build deeper connections. The key here is to turn towards the emotional bid, rather than turning away or turning against it.
Turning towards an emotional bid means acknowledging the emotion and showing interest in it.
For example, if someone tells you they’re really excited about a new book they just read, you might respond by saying, “Oh, I love to hear about new books!
Tell me more about it.” This simple act of turning towards their excitement not only shows that you’re interested in their experience, but also helps to stoke that emotional state and create a deeper connection.
On the other hand, turning away from an emotional bid means ignoring or dismissing the emotion. For example, if someone tells you they’re worried about an upcoming exam, you might turn away by saying, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll do fine.”
While this might seem like a reassuring response, it actually ignores the emotional bid and fails to offer the emotional support the person is seeking.
Turning against an emotional bid, meanwhile, means reacting negatively to the emotion. For example, if someone tells you they’re afraid of something, you might turn against them by saying, “Don’t be ridiculous. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
This not only dismisses their emotion, but also invalidates their experience, which can create even more disconnection.
So, how do we turn towards emotional bids and build deeper connections with others? Here are a few tips:
Practice mindfulness
In order to turn towards emotional bids, we need to be present in the moment and fully engaged in the conversation. This means setting aside our own thoughts and tasks and really focusing on the person in front of us.
Show genuine interest
When someone makes an emotional bid, it’s important to show that you care. This can be as simple as asking a follow-up question or expressing your own emotions in response. Validate their emotions: It’s important to remember that everyone experiences emotions differently, and it’s not our job to judge or invalidate someone else’s feelings. Instead, try to validate their emotions and show that you understand where they’re coming from.
Offer emotional support
When someone is seeking emotional support, it’s important to be there for them and offer a listening ear. This can be as simple as saying, “I’m here for you” or “I’m here to listen if you need to talk.”
By learning to recognize and respond to emotional bids, we can create deeper, more meaningful connections with the people in our lives. So the next time you’re in a conversation, try to tune into the emotional undertones and see how you can turn towards them and create a deeper connection. You may be surprised at how much it can change your relationships for the better.
