Difference in ‘Courting’ and ‘Dating’
From the 21st Century Married Man
As a Christian husband, I often find myself reflecting on the different approaches to relationships that were modeled for me growing up.
On one hand, there was the world of dating — a fast-paced, seemingly superficial pursuit of pleasure and fulfillment. On the other hand, there was the world of courting — a slower, more intentional process focused on building a foundation for a lifelong commitment.
I remember being a teenager and feeling torn between these two approaches. Part of me wanted to jump into the world of dating and experience all that it had to offer. But there was another part of me that longed for something deeper, something more meaningful.
It wasn’t until I met my wife and began the process of courting her that I truly began to understand the difference between these two approaches.
One of the most striking differences between courting and dating is the level of intentionality. When I was dating, I often found myself caught up in the thrill of the chase, focused on the next date or the next person to pursue. But when I began courting my wife, I found myself slowing down and really taking the time to get to know her on a deeper level.
This meant asking questions that went beyond surface level details and really delving into her thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. It meant spending time together in a variety of settings — from long walks and picnics to attending church and volunteering together.
Through this process, I was able to gain a much clearer understanding of who my wife was as a person and what values were most important to her. And as I got to know her more deeply, I found myself falling in love with her in a way that felt much more authentic and meaningful than any of my previous dating experiences.
Another key difference between courting and dating is the level of commitment. When I was dating, I often felt pressure to keep my options open, to continue exploring other possibilities even as I pursued a relationship with someone. But when I began courting my wife, I made the conscious decision to focus all of my energy and attention on building a future with her.
This meant making sacrifices and putting her needs above my own. It meant committing to pray for her and seek God’s will for our relationship. And most importantly, it meant committing to the idea of building a life together as husband and wife.
As a Christian husband, I believe that this level of commitment is essential to building a strong, healthy relationship. As Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This passage reminds me that true love involves sacrifice, selflessness, and a willingness to put my spouse’s needs above my own.
So, what does all of this mean for Christian couples who are considering the differences between courting and dating? I believe it’s important to remember that both approaches have their pros and cons, and ultimately the right approach will depend on the individual couple and their unique circumstances.
That being said, I would encourage Christian couples to consider the benefits of courting as they navigate the early stages of their relationship. By taking the time to get to know each other more deeply, committing to each other in a meaningful way, and seeking God’s will for their relationship, couples can lay a strong foundation for a lifetime of love and commitment.
As pastor and author Paul David Tripp writes, “Dating is about finding someone to marry. Courting is about finding out if you should marry someone.” By approaching relationships with this mindset, Christian couples can set themselves up for success and build a strong, healthy foundation for their future together.
