Pros and Cons to Gender Roles
Can you cook? Do you open her car door?
Nine months from writing this I was genuinely debating suicide because I was unemployed and my wife was working 50 hours a week to provide for both of us.
This is not the article that tells men to work and women to stay-at-home. If you can afford that, then go ahead, but the truth is that is more of an illusion. It is not that inflation makes it impossible to not live on one-income, is that the uncertainties of life make it impossible on one job for a long period of time to be a reliable course of action.
Gender roles make life easier, but in this day in age, the perfect gender role household seldom exists. Similar to communism, and “wokism” (if that is even a term), gender roles have been made to mean something it doesn't.
Let me be incredibly clear, the encyclopedia and the dictionary both agree that Russia is not “communist”, leftist media is not “woke”, the same way that gender roles do not mean that a woman must cook 365 days out of the year, and that a man has to approve each and every purchase.
Gender roles can be best described by Auntie Jenny on the podcast “Just Pearly Things” as pink jobs and blue jobs. None of the blue/pink jobs have to do with how well one can perform sexual acts (which are glamorized by pop culture). Men supporting and guiding with advice and wisdom, while women help by nurturing and caring.
This article is not one that will suggest gender roles for you, since that may actually make marriage worst (these roles are not a one-size-fits-all). Gender roles are best found by the spouse reflecting instead of other people (even your partner) putting something on you.
If you have difficulty reflecting (that’s ok), then ask your partner and have an honest conversation.
Overall, modern gender roles in a healthy marriage can be a complex and multifaceted topic, with both pros and cons to consider.
Pro: The Sense of Fulfillment
On the one hand, traditional gender roles can provide a sense of comfort, stability, and predictability in a relationship. For example, a man who opens the door for his wife or cooks for her may feel a sense of pride and fulfillment in being able to take care of his partner in this way. Similarly, a woman who takes care of the household and children may feel a sense of satisfaction and purpose in her role.
Con: Restricting Individual Interest and Goals
However, there are also potential downsides to traditional gender roles in a marriage. For instance, rigid gender roles can restrict individuals from pursuing their own interests and goals, leading to feelings of frustration and resentment. In some cases, traditional gender roles may reinforce harmful stereotypes about men and women, leading to a lack of equality and respect within the relationship.
Pro: Greater Flexibility
One pro of modern gender roles in a healthy marriage is that they allow for greater flexibility and individuality within the relationship. For example, if both partners are able to share household responsibilities and child-rearing duties, it can help to reduce feelings of overwhelm and allow each person to have more time and energy to pursue their own interests and goals. In this way, modern gender roles can help to foster a more equal and balanced relationship.
Pro: Create a Habit of Mutual Respect
Another pro of modern gender roles is that they can help to promote a sense of mutual respect and understanding within the relationship. For example, if a man is willing to listen to his wife’s thoughts and feelings and take them into consideration, it can help to create a deeper level of connection and understanding between the two. Similarly, a woman who respects and honors her husband’s needs and desires can help to create a more harmonious and supportive relationship.
Con: Unrealistic Expectations
However, there are also potential downsides to modern gender roles in a marriage. For instance, if couples are not on the same page about their expectations and roles within the relationship, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. Additionally, if one partner feels that the other is not pulling their weight or contributing equally to the relationship, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.
One quote that speaks to the potential benefits of modern gender roles in a healthy marriage is from relationship expert John Gottman, who says, “When couples share tasks and responsibilities, they experience greater relationship satisfaction and less conflict.” This highlights the idea that when both partners are able to contribute and participate in the relationship in a meaningful way, it can lead to a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.
Pro: Sense of Relationship Security & Clarity
On the other hand, traditional gender roles can also have their pros in a healthy marriage. For example, some people may feel a sense of comfort and security in following traditional gender roles, as it provides a clear roadmap for how to behave and what is expected of them within the relationship. Additionally, traditional gender roles may help to create a sense of structure and stability within the relationship, which can be especially important for couples with children.
One pro-traditional gender roles quote that speaks to this idea is from relationship coach and author, Laura Doyle, who says, “When a man feels needed and appreciated by his wife, he is more likely to be attentive, affectionate and loving.” This highlights the idea that traditional gender roles, such as a man being the protector and provider for his family, can help to foster a sense of purpose and fulfillment for both partners.
Conclusion
Overall, the pros and cons of modern gender roles in a healthy marriage are complex and multifaceted, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It is important for couples to communicate openly and honestly about their expectations and needs within the relationship, and to be open to finding a balance that works for both partners. As long as both partners are able to respect each other’s individuality and contribute to the relationship in a meaningful way, there are many ways that gender roles can be negotiated and adapted to fit the needs and desires of the couple.
I am a believer that marriage is a team sport and that we should know each other strengths and weaknesses and play off each other. Gender roles and responsibilities allow for a successful marriage by playing off each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
In conclusion, modern gender roles in a healthy marriage can provide a sense of flexibility, individuality, and mutual respect, but they can also bring challenges if couples are not on the same page about their expectations and roles within the relationship. It is important for couples to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires, and to be open to finding a balance that works for both partners. Ultimately, the key to a successful and fulfilling relationship is mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to adapt and compromise as needed.
